Thursday, September 9, 2010

Robert Pattinson in Lubbock, TX...and I Missed It

The events from the morning of Tuesday, September 7th will be forever seared into my memory. No, a relative didn't die and I didn't win any money. Babies weren't born and promotions weren't given. You would think that a memorable morning would consist of one of these life-changing events, but my memorable morning consisted of me MISSING ROBERT PATTINSON ON MY FREAKIN' DOORSTEP. Okay, so I'm dipping into my hyperbole pool, but I did practically miss the only chance I will ever have to see The Precious in the flesh. Let me break down this soul-crushing morning for you:

1. I wake up on Tuesday morning at 6:00am, ready to start back to work after a long weekend. Boo.
2. Pour myself a cup of joe and play with my phone while I wait for the sweet nectar that is my morning cup to take effect.
3. I quickly see that blasted red bubble alerting me to the fact that I have 800 missed calls and 1000 missed texts...okay, more exaggeration, but I had a crap-ton of ignored calls and texts.
4. Assuming that either A.) a loved one has died, or B.) I've forgotten to do or be somewhere really important. I click on my missed texts first.
5. Text from my friend that reads: "Um. Robert Pattinson is here. Like, HERE. IN LUBBOCK. RIGHT NOW. ANSWER YOUR DAMN PHONE. HERE. IN. LUBBOCK. CALL ME!"
6. I nearly drop my cup of coffee in the process of scrambling to read the rest of my texts and listen to my voicemails - and (to my horror) all confirm the first text. I still didn't believe it.
7. Thinking that my friends have a sick and twisted sense of humor, I do what any of us would do in this situation and get on Facebook to check the validity of said texts/voicemails.
8. I find more pleas and entreaties for me to get out of bed and get my ass to Crickets Bar & Grill, a college sports bar near Texas Tech University across town...AS IN THE TOWN WHERE I CURRENTLY RESIDE.
9. I then find these pictures taken by my friend's camera phone and other phones in the vicinity:
This first picture I see is so grainy, I almost breathe a sigh of relief. It can't be RPatz. It's more likely Jesus enjoying a beer in a Lubbock bar, than the likes of Robert Pattinson, right? At least that's what I continued to tell myself until I saw these beautiful images...
The sexy smirk. The rumpled shirt. The insane beard that is hiding my jaw porn...yep, it's The Precious.
How can someone be sexy while texting? Robert Pattinson can!

Holy cow! Like a knife to the heart! In a bar mere miles from my home! Oh, why can't I be drinking on a random Monday evening? Curse you, husband, children and career! ;)

Lucky hoochies. And to quote Tessie Hutchinson, "It isn't fair! It isn't right"...and then, they were upon her.

This experience proves to me that God has a sick sense of humor. Why in the world would he send the only celebrity who actually causes me to swoon to my craptastic town? Nothing ever happens in Lubbock! Nothing besides football, drinking, and the occasional City Council that are equal parts boring and in no way pique my interest! The only celebrity we've ever had step foot in our city limits is that blasted Matthew McConaughey, and I can't like him because he's a Longhorn fan. That's against all of the blood oaths I took when I graduated from Texas Tech University. Something like "thou shalt not covet an attractive celebrity who has the audacity to wear a burnt orange leather coat." Honestly. He wears a burnt orange leather coat to Longhorn games. I don't care how attractive you are. It's never good form to insult a cow by dying his poor cowhide burnt orange. Anywhooooo, I digress....

Back to The Precious. Turning off my ringer at night cost me the chance to hang out with my celebrity crush. My husband even felt sorry for me. I would've taken him to a bar to catch a glimpse of Angelina Jolie. She's on his list, just like RPatz is on mine. He understood the horrific feelings of loss I was experiencing and actually offered to take me around town to troll random hotel lobbies in the hopes I would bump in to him. Sweet offer, but I didn't want to miss reporting to work. I was secretly banking on the possibility that Oprah was hiding in my classroom, (cameras ready to surprise me) with Robert Pattinson at her side, eager to tell me what an awesome teacher I am. Unbeknownst to me, (I was praying) some sweet, former student had sent in a request for me (thier favorite teacher) to meet my favorite fictional character; and Oprah, being the sweet lady that she is, read the heart-wrenching profession of educational excellence and came to Lubbock to bestow the gift that is The Precious upon me in person! Whew!

After succumbing to the fact that I missed my one and only chance to meet such a lovely hunk of man, I quizzed my friend who was able to make it into Cricket's Bar & Grill before the wolves descended. I asked him how Rob behaved in the bar...could you smell him? Was he as dreamy in person as he is in front of the camera? Here is the short q & a with my buddy, who was able to live the dream for me - if only for a few minutes:

Me: Was he (Rob) interacting with the people in the bar or keeping to his table of friends? Did you get to actually sit in the bar?

Buddy: He was personable...texted a lot...smiled...laughed when his friends were singing karaoke. Hearty laugh, head thrown back. I was inches from him when he went to the potty.

Me: Did he speak? DETAILS!

Buddy: He nodded and said hello and I almost wet myself. I think I may have giggled.

Me: Oh, heck, I would've! I'm too polite to bother a celebrity. Why?? I wouldn't have had the guts to interrupt his night to ask for a pic or an autograph!

Buddy: Our friend did, but he politely could tell he was just wanting a break, a beer, some laughs, but he smiled and didn't get ornery.

I can picture beautiful Rob, tossing his head back to let loose a hearty laugh. Can't you? I would've even loved to have been his waitress that night, but I can tell those chicks probably annoyed the tar out of him. Check out this video from our local news to confirm my theory here.


No such luck. Sorry I missed you, Rob. Like two ships, passing in the night...


  1. You are really funny and should seriously consider writing a book. Rob is in Houston where I live and I can't find him. I am happy I found your blog. It is really a good read!

  2. Hi Lenzi, I am a huge RP fan as well and I really feel for you! The ringer turned off GAH! I like your attitude though and i wish Oprah had surprised you with a Rob by her side. I live in Australia so there is little chance I'll ever see that precious man in my home town. My sister missed him in Japan by a day at an official autograph signing session. She's never gotten over it! :)

  3. Oh no! I am a huge RP fan also, your ringer turned off GAH! I like your attitude though and really wish Oprah had been there to surprise you with Rob by her side:) My sister missed him at an official autograph signing session in Japan by a day, she's never gotten over it! I live in Australia so I don't think the precious man will ever be drinking in my home town. I like that your hubby understood, mine is similarly patient about my Rob love :)

  4. @ anonymous - Thank you! I'm attempting to write a book, but it's been a work in progress for nearly three years now! Maybe one day I will finish!
    @ nightowl - don't write RPatz off just yet...he might show up in Australia! We never thought he'd visit the likes of Lubbock, TX, so keep the faith! I don't know how often you drink, but I think running in to him will require frequent trips to the bar on random nights. Good luck! Ha!

  5. Oh Lenzi, I think I might just pass out if he was ever in close vicinity to me. I know he's not perfect (and 10yr younger than me) but he seems like a lovely person who happens to look like a saucy angel! I like your blog btw, my friend gave me 'The Hunger Games' for my birthday and I loved it so much i devoured 'Catching Fire', 'Mockingjay' is also fantastic not sure if it's been released in the US yet?