Stupid People Make Stupid Children...

The desmoinesregister.com is reporting that a 13 year old boy was referred to juvenile court after allegedly biting 11 students. The kicker is that when police notified the boy's father, he said that his son didn't intend to hurt and anyone "and that he was biting other students because of the movie, 'Twilight'. "

I make my living working with 13 and 14 year olds, and never in my eight years of teaching, have I EVER met a kid stupid enough to pull this kind of stunt, and I've met a lot of stupid kids. Furthermore, I've also never met a parent who would defend their dumbass kid's behavior by blaming it on a MOVIE! Seriously, what's next, a kid watches Harry Potter movies and starts whacking class mates with his "magic wand"? Surely there is not a parent out there dumb enough to defend that!

My FINGERS are to Blame!

Who knew that my "aggressive nature" is all because I have a ring finger longer than my index finger? I guess the next time I get pissed at Donnie, I can throw my hands in the air and say, "Look, it's my fingers fault, okay?". Sounds wacky, I know, but according to an article I read in this week's USA WEEKEND,titled "Your Fate is in Your Fingers" by Rayhaneh Fathieh, our fingers can be "feminized or masculine". How do you know which traits your hand possesses?

• Is your ring finger longer than your index finger?

For my slow readers, your index finger is the one you point with, or make a "number one". (I say this not be insulting, because being the blonde that I am, I shamefully had to ask Donnie which finger was my index finger...I know, I'm teaching the youth of America. SCARY!) If your ring finger is longer (like my own), you have a masculanized ratio. Scientists attribute masculanized ratio individuals to exhibit traits like aggressiveness, insensitivity (so that's why I don't give a crap about feelings!), and enhanced athletic abilities. They are also said to be good at math, which is a trait I don't possess out of this list. The scientists go on to say that "pre-birth exposure to testosterone affects finger length, as well as our behavior as adults." That must be why I need to have my lip waxed twice a month. Hmmm....

• Is your index finger longer than your ring finger?

According to the article, "then you have a feminized pattern that relates to high neuroticism" (which means you might be a bit on the OCD side, if you know what I'm sayin'!), "the tendency to worry or complain and better verbal skills". Why didn't they just say if you have a uterus you possess these qualities, too. This isn't some stunning scientific break-through, morons. I hope we aren't providing tax dollars for this kind of "research"! How about these "scientists" mentioned in this study scoot on over to the cancer research center??? I'm just sayin'!

According to our prestigious scientists quoted in this article, this hand model is "masculinized".